Am I fated this way?

Seriously. I don't understand why my days gets horrible whenever my birthday is near every year - _-neither with family, or friends or studies.. It's always either one of them or two of them or even three of them -,- My life during Septembers are tough as Gold. ( Gold! why you so tough? )  

 (╯︵╰,)

I probably am a horrible person. That's why this happened ? 

Everything seems to be in bad shape now. Why must everything go so wrong. Why did my mom mentioned things at the wrong time. It is So not the first time . Plus.. Why daddy why.. why must you be in a bad mood. Why your work made you in bad shape that Almost every single day you came home.. you'll get so annoyed with even those little little things and then starts getting angry and saying It's shit and it's rubbish. ( Ya well,.. something like that ) 

It brings down my mood too you know. 

And now. Don't you know how much I'm trying to avoid conversation with my own dad -.- How could I?! But I did so anyway. I know my result was not as what you wanted. Well, I'm so sorry for that result Truly. I will definitely do my best now alright. Your lectures are always scary. But now I try avoiding alone time with my own dad because with his moody and maybe plus stress out after work time and then plus wanting to lecture me about my future and all.. Many very painful and horrid sentences can spill out of his mouth. 

I am now taking my '' doing my Biology folio time '' to just write this down here. I am doing it as fast as possible so that I won't need to waste so much time. But I was just bugging my sister and telling her how worried I was that if Daddy comes up stairs and see me sitting infront of the laptop. He would probably get dissapointed at me again, And probably thinks that I facebook facebook facebook and facebook. He's been thinking that I stayed up till 2-3 am just by facebooking and facebooking. Oh please. Facebooking the whole time Is No life man, I could be editing photos or even blogging. Which I have no idea if he still knows I blog. And I hope he does not know I still do. I hope * cross fingers * 

I've got the lectures since Friday. And my dad really Got so Angry and Dissapointed at me. Until he seriously Shoot me through by saying No more birthday party! * With his Red, Loudness and the Heat from Anger * 

I was hoping * cross fingers * that he would change his mind throughout this week at least. But he's still giving lectures, Every . Single . Day . * so about to cry *  (╯︵╰,)

Talked with Pastor Joshua on Monday night privately with my sister. He was giving me an opinion about changing my birthday party date. And then so, my sister was like smilling and all because she knows that my party probably won't make it because of my condition with my dad now. I told Pastor Joshua about it and I don't know why tears started rolling down my eyes. -,- * suck it up Charmaine! URGH * lol . But anyway, he asked if 29 September will be a good day to have the party if my dad suddenly changed his mind. And you know, I Don't Understand Why So many people are so positive that my dad will change his mind and let me proceed this party thing Because I Don't. I'm So freggin Negative. -shucks myself - 

And then just yesterday, I was thinking about 29 September and realised that I am not free for almost a day on that day. I texted Pastor and told him I'm not free. But I guess he couldn't remember that he wanted the party to be that day. So he just texted me back with a different kind of not related answer. Lol  . Oh well. It's okay then. So I guess.. Party Cancel? 

Hey Guys , I am so worried about cancelling the party . I kept on thinking about how awful am I to invite you guys and suddenly just cancel it just like that. I am so truly Sorry from the bottom, core of my heart. I feel very very pai seh. I'll tell you guys that the party will be cancel asap okay :) ( I have to make ready my heart to receive comments which would make me feel down, probably , and dissapointed because of what happened ) D: 

If you read this blog post until the end. Then you'll know it now that I'll cancel that party ( If you are invited :) 

And to some of you , I told you guys the whole story about this '' Drama '' that happened with my dad . and maybe my mom. She seriously add salt and pepper? I think. -,- Say things at the wrong time. Ish. That's not nice. 

And my mom, omg, seriously, today. -,- URghhhhhhhhhhhh ! * knocks head On Wallllll * BANG Bang Bang! * -,-  We went to Kaylee's house for a while to collect the mooncake from Kaylee's mom. And then Kaylee's mom mentioned about this coming Friday homelife/ homecell/ cellgroup whatever you call it will be at Justin's house. My mom was quite surprise since no one told her yet. And also because Justin's mom opened her house for HomeCell.  So then , she suddenly thought about the 21st of September ( which my birthday is on that day ) and was like telling Kaylee's mom that maybe she would want to open our house for homelife too since she already tooked leave which was actually for my birthday. And you know, when she said that to Kaylee's mom, she was like giving me that very sarcastic smile, pointing at me. =.= Seriously Mom, Why do you need to do that. It Kind of hurt my feeling you know. If you do not know , now you know. 

-SIGH-

Hopefully. as soon as possible.